Dream Lover: My Time as Chessy Spade (English Edition) [Kindle-editie] beoordelingen het boek quotes

An Appalachian Novel, 421 pages (print), 122,000 words“What?” I managed to say about my confusion.Her hand tightened on mine. “Emmilee can’t live in this world. This time around the life you are experiencing is meant for Chessy.” Her wrinkled face shown with the strangest kindness directed solely at me. “Micah McCall has to accept that fact the same as you.”She had mentioned him before, but I’d never heard of a McCall living around here. “Tell me, who is Micah McCall? I have a right to know.”She ignored my question about McCall. “This life cannot be lived in the past. It can only be lived in this moment. You understand that, don’t you?”It sounded good, but as far as understanding, I wasn’t sure.“The spirit cannot die,” she told me in a weary voice that held far more knowledge than I could possible understand, although I tried. “The spirit life goes on for an eternity. When one body dies, another body is granted life and the same spirit enters. The spirit’s only salvation from previous lives is forgetfulness. Oh, what an unhappy mess we find ourselves in when we fail to forget. I know, child, I know for I have never forgotten anything.”The blankness I felt must have conveyed itself to her for she tried to smile. It was more of a sympathetic grimace, one of a woman who no longer wanted to be who and what she was.“You’re overwrought right now. Nothing is gonna make sense when you’re in this state. Just remember what I tell you and it will make sense in time to come.“Like I told you, the spirit cannot die just because the body does. When the body stops functioning, the spirit is forced out, although it may refuse to leave right away in hopes of somehow re-entering its precious body. There is great difficulty leaving behind something that has meant everything to you. Your body is your only means of walking and talking and touching things that you love. It is such a horrible thing not to touch or be touched. I know of that anguish so very well, even though I am still in this body”I had an inkling of her pain, for there were many times when I longed to be in the comforting arms of the dream woman I thought of as my mommie.“I have my memories,” she said softly. “So don’t feel sorry for me. I was once loved, in my previous lives. Perhaps I shall be granted such an experience in my next life. Lord knows, I’ll deserve it by then.”I imagined a long drawn-out sigh escaping her shriveled chest, but I don’t think it did. I think she had accepted the life she led a long time ago.“This isn’t about me, it’s about you, child. Go on back home and do the best you can for a while longer.”“I can’t go back home,” I moaned. The thought of facing Mother was terrifying.“You haven’t a choice.”I did too have a choice. I would go to Pa-Gid and Lula. I could live there until I was old enough to run away. When I turned sixteen, I could get a job. I would manage just like Hank Provost was managing.“Girls can’t do what boys can. Society won’t permit it. But you don’t have to worry, You’ll leave home soon enough.”“What do you mean?” I thought it strange that Old Bella would talk about society when she never lived in it.“Girls grow up and get married.” She did not seem pleased with her words. “Or live in the woods like I do.”I doubted that I would marry. There was no one I cared about enough to marry, not even Hank. I wanted the wildfire, the passion, the thing that would lift me right off the ground and take me all the way to heaven.Old Bella was watching me, reading me before she said anything more. “We all settle for less than we want. You are no exception. Go now. I’ve done all I can for you.”I didn’t want to go. I wanted to hide forever or just disappear into the earth because I was afraid of Mother.Old Bella stood up and hobbled her way out the door, letting me know I couldn’t stay with her any longer. She turned and gave me one last look and said: “Bullies torture those who are weaker than them and try to bluff those who aren’t.”